My 5 best friends and memories....

The first 2 of the 5 i met were the infamous Kelley twins, Chris and Charles. I met Charles first in my 4th grade class at LaSalle Elementary school. Of course i later met his brother Chris, and they changed my life alot haha. I was just a blind little white kid with absolutely ZERO coordination or athletic ability, but Dem Kelleys loved to play Football/Basketball down at Mary Gibbard PArk! Those were the days...they taught me how to catch throw all that. We played football all the time, i really miss those days. I couldnt count the number of times ive seen the Kelleys fight haha good times. Then 6th grade came around and I met Tyler Sult and Aaron Winslow. I remember first meeting tyler, i dont think he liked me very much he thought i was lame because i couldnt do "the brow" you know the eyebrow trick where one is down and other is up lol. I can still remember him saying my whole family can do the brow lol. But we ended up being great friends and ill never forget the very first time he stayed the night at my house, i think we both ended up puking from laughing so hard lol. Then there was Aaron
Winslow.....God all the times we fucked with him, from the accusations of raping stuffed animals, to the swallowing of Charles Kelleys piss after being told it was vodka hahahaha that was so funny. ARTB! we would write that on the foggy bus windows! "Aaron Rapes Teddy Bears" lol too funny, he was the kinda kid who did anything to fit in, but i was always his friend and now we are great friends he got me into religion whic i am very thankful for. Plus hes basically one of the few around i can play guitar with at the moment, we have put together some music and its been alot of fun. Then it wasnt until about 8th grade when i finally met Jacob McCleerey. I had no idea who he was and i was talking to Tyler, and he mentioned him and i was like who is that?! lol well i definitely found out. That trademark McCleerey laugh will certainly never be forgotten haha, its the kind that will lighten up the mood regardless of how dark it is. Right now i would love to watch a funny movie with him and tyler it would be a million times funnier than watching it by myself! Thing is about me and Jake we werent the best friends really when he actually lived here. He now lives in Kentucky and i wish we could have hungout more. There are sooooo many more epic moments with all these guys that would take forevever to type, all sorts of memories ill never forget. These 5 friends are among the best you could possibly have, hopefully some of us can meet up sometime and hang out. Nights with these guys were the happiest memories i got.

The story of a long distance relationship, and other life events that have changed my thinking

It all began last August. In the past year i had discovered God and religion in a whole new way, and i was going to church all the time. I asked God one night if He would send someone i could help, i really love helping people but at the same time i dont like to get into peoples business so im shy about it. Well wouldnt you know it i was on AOL Instant Messenger a few days later and accidentally started talking to this girl. At first it was real typical conversation, getting to know each other, all that good stuff. I found it really easy to talk to her, and we had alot in common. Im guessing she felt the same way and finally felt comfortable enough to tell me something she had kept a secret from her friends. She told me that she had gone to the doctors and had gotten bad news. (Before this i had noticed she had not been online much lately, but of course thought nothing of it because we were really just internet chatting buddies haha) She told me about how she was born with a heart condition, and needed surgery or she was going to die within a matter of a couple months. I of course wondered if this was true, i mean someone can make up anything over the internet, but she seemed genuinely scared, or at least i felt as if she was (hard to tell by just looking at words on a screen lol). She explained to me how she was severely depressed and scared, and how she wanted to give up and just kill herself. Me being who i am was instantly motivated to do anything i could to keep this girl alive and reassured. I had my doubts about if this was just a weird act to see if i was a good guy or if it was real, but nontheless i talked to her online everyday. I wished i would have saved some of the conversations we had, they were unlike anything i had ever experienced, me telling my own personal views and experiences about life and death, and her attitude and willingness to live change all for the better. After long hours of chatting online day to day she finally realized that life was worth fighting for. She told me she would try, and i didnt hear from her for a while. At this time i wondered hmmm i hope she made it through what she had to (i was confident everything was fine). After thinking about if for a few days i remembered the prayer i had said and what i had asked from God. I thought wow! did this just happen?! did i just save someones life?! I kinda thought man, i just carried out God;s will by saving this person. I was feeling great about myself and my relationship with God. After a while she was back online and i was thrilled to hear all was well. She had taken a liking to me, and me to her as well. (when you save someones life you form a bond, a bond in which you really care about that person, and always wanna know that they are ok you wanna protect them, at least for me thats how it is.) We got each others phone numbers, and i called her for the first time. It was a little nerve wracking because i am generally a shy guy, but she has always been easy for me to talk to so i quickly became at ease. We talked about her operation how the recovery was, then more generally topics like school, and just life as a teenager. I still wondered if she really did have a heart condition, and that i had really saved her life. She would continue to promise it all happened like she said and that i did. I did find out later that she had the scar to prove it too. So that much i know is true. We continued to talk and she told me how she was going to be in town, here in Mishawaka, Indiana. She said that she was going to her aunts wedding, and invited me to come with her. Over the course of the next few weeks she told me alot of things, her life and what she looked like and all this stuff. The time came where she was supposed to be in town, and she kept saying how we would meet up and all this stuff. It came time for the wedding and she said it had to be cancelled. (I wasnt stupid i knew that something was going on and i stareted to think she was lying) I then confronted her about everything and she said no honest im not lying i swear! days went by and conversations were said. The time came where all her lies had piled up and she knew there was no way out of it. I finally otld her to tell me the truth and cut the lying. She did and admitted she lived in Massachussetts. She told me that she didnt look as pretty as she wanted me to think, and cleared everything else up. She was upset and thought i was never gonna tyalk to her again, and i can understand that typically thats what would happen, but one thing that was true was that i saved her life. There was too much of a bond to just cut her outta my life at that point, so i told her how i thought about everything and how i wont tolerate liars. She explained how she was very insecure about the way she looked because she wasnt "pretty". I got a picture from her, and i realized at that moment when you have love for someone that doesnt matter. I wasnt a shallow guy to begin with, besides im no stud myself haha. I personally thought that she was cute, she over exaggerates everything, like her weight she thinks shes fat. Compared to the typical obese woman in america, shes not fat (no offense fat bottomed girs makethe rockin world go round!). Well anyway we talked more and more, and realized we loved each other. Here is the point where things started getting difficult. We started talking alot, and we both got attached. We started to realize how we had to see each other but knew that time would be a ways off. Stress startedto build and anxiety started to rear its ugly head. In the midst of our long distance relationship other things started to happen. I went to the doctor for a checkup, and walked out with a heart condition. After testing and sleepless nights i found out i have a moderate-severe leaking mitral valve. Not fatal at this point, mainly because im youngand the heart was sstill strong, it was really the least of my worries. I will have to have surgery within the next 5 years though. Anyway, me and this girl became more attached to the point where it became un healthy. We started depending on each others complements and started doubting ourselves. She startyed having these freakouts where she would say how she was done waiting for me to got to her, and i would think ilost her and become depressed and worried and have these anxiety attacks that would keep me from sleeping and eating. So i have this kinda stuff going on with her, and my heart. All the stress and anxiety couldnt be good for the heart, and then another burden was thrown onto my back. I came home from school one day and saw my mom in tears, and when i see that i know something is terribly wrong. I ofund out that my step-dad who had been fighting cancer and thought he had beaten it was only in for the fight of his life. He found out it was in his stomach liver and left lung. The doctors gave him 4-12months to live. That has been horrible to see. I get to come home and watch him whither away to nothing and look so sick and pale. It truly does look like he is dying slowly everyday and that just crushes me. So i have this girl my heart and my step dad all just taking me on an emotional plunge. I had never been depressed like this and it was all new to me. I couldnt eat sleep or even enjoy the things i used to. I isolatyed myself from friends, and basically shut myself up in my room, my only outlet was to talk to this girl who i loved so much. I would cry to her, we would cry together on the phone for hours sometimes. It was the only comfort i could find. Spring break came along though and things were looking up, i was going to New york to visit my dad, so i was getting away from the stress at home and was gonna be closer to her. Her dad had told her he would drive her to see me, and we both had our hopes up so high to see each other, but her dad changed his mind and we were both so devastated. We were hellbent on seeing each other finally but it wasnt gonna happen. I took it out on myself because i should have a drivers liscense but i dont. Being blind in one eye has honestlly made me a little scared to drive, but now i am getting over that. Anyway to get back to spring break.......that week was horrible for us both it tested our will and hers for a hour or so finally broke. She said she was done, and couldnt take it. We ended up talking an hour later of course and we both bawled our eyes out on the phone. we realized we had to be together moving on would be to hard and we loved each other too much. It wasm ostly extra difficult because we were so close yet so far away. Spring break ended and we fell back into our usual routine of talking every night and all that stuff but i couldnt shake my depression. I ended up talking to my school counselor and getting help. I wasnt eating or sleeping, and was having the worst time. I was afraid of losing her and my step dad, and well my heart had been forgotten about, as un healthy as that sounds. I started to feel the physical effects of depression, fatugue and sometimes i would literally throw up from anxiety it got pretty bad. It took friends and family to make me realize that this girl is far away, and has lied to me before. I finally realized that if its meant to be it will happen, and there was no use being so messed up over it all, i turned to music and frineds advice and familys advice. I listened to alot of Elliott Smiths's misic (its legendary by the way Elliott Smith is truly one of a kind R.I.P.). I even talkec to the girl about it all end we both agreed that we should give each other a little space. The anxiety has cleared and depression has been lifted. I still worry about our relationship, and my step dad but not in a way that it makes me sick. She has told me how we will be together and how she wants to marry me, andi can just wait and see. Everything made me realize that depression can happen to anyone, i got so beat up about it because i figured if i saved a girls life and still couldnt get her then how will i ever get to be wioth any girl? I had convinced myself i would be lonely forever, and that i later realized was just ridiculous. This experience definitely made me stronger, and i now have motivation and hope for my future. I still want it to be with this girl, and if her words are true then we will, if they are lies then its no sweat because i dont need that anyway. Its all a matter of how you decide to take the things that are thrown at you. This affected me deeply because i have been a pretty lonely guy my whole life no girlfriends due to my awkwardness and shyness. Not many people know the true me the caring selfless me. Most only know the shy quiet side. This has made me into a more confident person, and its something ill never forget regardless of how it all turns out. For now im just gonna conquer my fear of driving, and graduate high school. Get my life moving and maybe just maybe ill end up with her anyway.